72% OF KMFDM FANS STILL THINK NAME MEANS “KILL MOTHER-FUCKING DEPECHE MODE Depeche Mode respond with a polite statement: “We do not remember asking to be murdered.”
“Smells Like My Arse”: Chris Martin Finds His Base Notes in the Back End Chris Martin responds to ex-wife Gwyneth Paltrow's "Smells Like My Vagina" candle with his own "Smells Like My Arse"
MUSK UNVEILS ROBOCOCK, OFFERS HORSES TO THE MASSES Elon Musk—lover, rocket man, alleged horse baron—has once again launched himself into the headlines genitals-first. While Tesla stock yo-yos and his children’s names start to resemble CAPTCHA codes, the Model D promises a future where men can literally fuck machines—and possibly sue them afterward.
BBC Issues Unprecedented Recall of Ricky Gervais’s Entire Catalogue After Shocking Discovery: He Was Just Being a Prick All Along BBC investigation uncovers the comedian isn't "meta", he's just a prick. Gervais fans quickly do a double-turn and pretend they never liked him.
TECH TYCOON TRADES TESLAS FOR TITILLATION IN ROBOTIC REBOOT Elon Musk has reportedly announced plans to acquire “the most advanced piece of penetrative machinery mankind has ever engineered” — a pneumatic sex robot
Kent Seaside Residents Rejoice as Cyclone Changes Course for Pas-Ici-sur-Mer Residents of Pett-Neville were cheering and rejoicing as scenes of destruction flooded news channels. The storm made landfall instead in the French resort town of Pas-Ici-sur-Mer.
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