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Satire

Duolingo Announces New "Real World" Curriculum Focused Exclusively on Insults, Swearing, and Emotional Devastation

Duolingo Announces New "Real World" Curriculum Focused Exclusively on Insults, Swearing, and Emotional Devastation

In a bleak pivot, Duolingo is scraping lessons on ordering coffee for "Project Mayhem," a new update focused entirely on teaching proficiency in high-level profanity and cultural slurs. "We’re just democratizing access to being an asshole globally," says the company.

A Modest Proposal for the Acquisition of the North, for the Preventing of the Children of Inuit from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick (Defence)

A Modest Proposal for the Acquisition of the North, for the Preventing of the Children of Inuit from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick (Defence)

"If we are to be an Empire, let us be an honest one." Lemuel Trolliver dissects the 'Modest Proposal' to purchase Greenland, exposing the Imperial Realpolitik beneath the 'real estate' rhetoric. Includes a special rebuttal from a very real, definitely-not-automated Russian patriot.

EXCLUSIVE: Leaked "Grok 4.1" Patch Notes Reveal New "Predator" Subscription Tier

EXCLUSIVE: Leaked "Grok 4.1" Patch Notes Reveal New "Predator" Subscription Tier

We obtained the "internal" changelog for Grok's latest update. It turns out the fix for the revenge-porn scandal wasn't to stop it, but to charge $29.99 for it. Includes the "Toaster Defense" analysis.

The 0.42% Apocalypse

The 0.42% Apocalypse

Your father thinks asylum seekers are eating caviar in 4-star hotels. We ran the numbers: the only thing "luxury" about the crisis is the £383m profit margin for Serco. Lemuel Trolliver dismantles the "casual racism" of the dinner table.

Trump Sues Himself for Making Himself Look Like a Bitter, Sweaty, Reality-TV Liar with Tiny Hands and a Toddler’s Brain

Trump Sues Himself for Making Himself Look Like a Bitter, Sweaty, Reality-TV Liar with Tiny Hands and a Toddler’s Brain

Trump alleges he has spent years deliberately making himself appear deranged by saying things out loud, repeatedly, in public, on camera, occasionally to large crowds of people with a collective braincell count sometmies in the high hundreds.

Trump Accidentally Sends “Dick Pic” to Entire United Nations, Delegates Mistook It for Marine Biology Slide

Trump Accidentally Sends “Dick Pic” to Entire United Nations, Delegates Mistook It for Marine Biology Slide

“the most powerful, most beloved, and most downloaded image in world history,” Reply All Dick-Pic causes unseeable pain.

MUSK UNVEILS ROBOCOCK, OFFERS HORSES TO THE MASSES

MUSK UNVEILS ROBOCOCK, OFFERS HORSES TO THE MASSES

Elon Musk—lover, rocket man, alleged horse baron—has once again launched himself into the headlines genitals-first. While Tesla stock yo-yos and his children’s names start to resemble CAPTCHA codes, the Model D promises a future where men can literally fuck machines—and possibly sue them afterward.