TRUMP’S TRUTH FUMES TRIGGER LAWSUIT: AIDE CLAIMS HE DEVELOPED EMPHYSEMA FROM INHALING PRESIDENT’S BULLSHIT

In a lawsuit filed this morning, a former Trump aide—whose name has been redacted “for respiratory safety reasons”—claims he developed chronic emphysema after years of exposure to what doctors are now calling “toxic political flatulence.”

According to the 48-page complaint, the aide began noticing symptoms “around the second week of the first campaign rally, my chest began to tighten like a Fox News chyron.” The claimant reportedly experienced shortness of breath, dizziness, and an “overwhelming urge to fact-check in self-defense.” By 2020, doctors reported his lungs had the look of two overused ashtrays marinated in tanning spray and Diet Coke backwash — the internal décor of Mar-a-Lago rendered in pink tissue and regret.

Medical experts confirmed the diagnosis of bullshit-induced pulmonary degradation, a rare condition characterized by wheezing every time someone says “fake news.”

“You can only inhale so much gaseous hyperbole before your alveoli surrender,” said Dr. Wanda Snell, a pulmonologist at Johns Hopkins. “This man’s lungs look like they’ve been living inside a Truth Social feed.”

The suit alleges Trump frequently filled confined spaces with “dense, unfiltered clouds of mendacity,” forcing aides to breathe what one intern described as “olfactory propaganda smog.”

“You couldn’t open a window,” said the plaintiff. “He’d say it was ‘wind from China.’”

Court filings reveal the aide is seeking damages “in excess of $10 million and one functioning lung,” arguing the former president’s verbal emissions created “a hostile work environment and an unlivable atmosphere—literally.”

Trump’s legal team quickly dismissed the case, calling it “another witch hunt by the Deep Inhalers.” A spokesperson went on to say:

“The President emits only the cleanest, most beautiful words—nobody’s words are cleaner. If this aide can’t handle them, maybe he should switch to an administration with weaker sentences.”

Meanwhile, environmental groups are seizing the moment. Greenpeace has proposed labeling Mar-a-Lago as an EPA Superfund Site, citing “persistent airborne contamination of reality.”

A new study by the CDC also supports the aide’s claim, showing that proximity to prolonged Trump rhetoric may lead to increased risk of emphysema, tinnitus, and “truth fatigue.”

When asked for comment outside his golf course, Trump appeared unbothered.

“This guy says he got emphysema? I make people breathe greatness. You know, Obama didn’t make anyone breathe anything except failure. Sad. You know, a lot of people are saying I have the cleanest air. Nobody breathes like me. My breathing—perfect. The doctors said, ‘Sir, that’s presidential oxygen, the best we’ve ever seen.’ Some people can’t handle it. Weak lungs. Very weak.”

Moments later, he added:

“And if you think about it, folks, if there was bullshit, which there isn’t, it would be the classiest, most luxurious bullshit. People would line up to breathe it.”

Court records indicate the aide is still pursuing damages, claiming he wakes nightly in cold sweats, gasping for air as spectral echoes fill the dark room — “Believe me… tremendous lungs… better than Lincoln…”

Doctors have prescribed oxygen therapy, fact-checking in moderation, and complete avoidance of live press conferences.