Trump Accidentally Sends “Dick Pic” to Entire United Nations, Delegates Mistook It for Marine Biology Slide
“the most powerful, most beloved, and most downloaded image in world history,” Reply All Dick-Pic causes unseeable pain.
Satire
MUSK UNVEILS ROBOCOCK, OFFERS HORSES TO THE MASSES
Elon Musk—lover, rocket man, alleged horse baron—has once again launched himself into the headlines genitals-first. While Tesla stock yo-yos and his children’s names start to resemble CAPTCHA codes, the Model D promises a future where men can literally fuck machines—and possibly sue them afterward.
TRUMP’S TRUTH FUMES TRIGGER LAWSUIT: AIDE CLAIMS HE DEVELOPED EMPHYSEMA FROM INHALING PRESIDENT’S BULLSHIT
Trump Aide files suit after claims breathing the President's Bullshit gave him emphysema.
BBC Issues Unprecedented Recall of Ricky Gervais’s Entire Catalogue After Shocking Discovery: He Was Just Being a Prick All Along
BBC investigation uncovers the comedian isn't "meta", he's just a prick. Gervais fans quickly do a double-turn and pretend they never liked him.
TECH TYCOON TRADES TESLAS FOR TITILLATION IN ROBOTIC REBOOT
Elon Musk has reportedly announced plans to acquire “the most advanced piece of penetrative machinery mankind has ever engineered” — a pneumatic sex robot
Kent Seaside Residents Rejoice as Cyclone Changes Course for Pas-Ici-sur-Mer
Residents of Pett-Neville were cheering and rejoicing as scenes of destruction flooded news channels. The storm made landfall instead in the French resort town of Pas-Ici-sur-Mer.
Existential Weather Forecast
A cold front of stagnation barrels in from the west, spreading through minds and dampened hopes. Expect intermittent flashes of self-doubt, followed by heavy showers of nostalgia, pooling regret across low-lying areas of ambition.