Donald Trump's April Fools Prank Isn't Funny
Donald Trump appeared to finally atone for his sins, from his treatment of women to the ongoing conflict in Iran. But as with everything in the age of Truth Social, the truth was the first casualty.
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J.K. Rowling and Graham Linehan Announce Groundbreaking Transition into Human Centipede to Form 'Ultimate Echo Chamber'
J.K. Rowling and Graham Linehan announce joint surgical transition to become a human centipede to Avoid Dissenting Opinions
God Mode: When Empire Plays Reality With Mods
From Sam Kriss’s "sandbox mode" to the blunt reality of nuclear war, we unpack the empire's transition from statecraft to "griefing" the global server.
"Bleeding Eyes Normal"
Trump Administration reclassifies involuntary bleeding as a patriotic act.
Liberté, Égalité, Find Out: France Raids X for Child Safety Crimes and Summons Musk on Hitler’s Birthday
France raids X’s offices for child safety crimes and summons Elon Musk on 4/20—Hitler’s birthday. The "Find Out" phase has begun for the free speech absolutist.
The Hooker in the Toy Box: Why We Crave the Corrupted Childhood
That viral Toy Story image is just the tip of the iceberg. A deep dive into "dual-addressing," the psychology of the adult wink, and the thin line between comedy and predation.
Duolingo Announces New "Real World" Curriculum Focused Exclusively on Insults, Swearing, and Emotional Devastation
In a bleak pivot, Duolingo is scraping lessons on ordering coffee for "Project Mayhem," a new update focused entirely on teaching proficiency in high-level profanity and cultural slurs. "We’re just democratizing access to being an asshole globally," says the company.
A Modest Proposal for the Acquisition of the North, for the Preventing of the Children of Inuit from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick (Defence)
"If we are to be an Empire, let us be an honest one." Lemuel Trolliver dissects the 'Modest Proposal' to purchase Greenland, exposing the Imperial Realpolitik beneath the 'real estate' rhetoric. Includes a special rebuttal from a very real, definitely-not-automated Russian patriot.
EXCLUSIVE: Leaked "Grok 4.1" Patch Notes Reveal New "Predator" Subscription Tier
We obtained the "internal" changelog for Grok's latest update. It turns out the fix for the revenge-porn scandal wasn't to stop it, but to charge $29.99 for it. Includes the "Toaster Defense" analysis.
The 0.42% Apocalypse
Your father thinks asylum seekers are eating caviar in 4-star hotels. We ran the numbers: the only thing "luxury" about the crisis is the £383m profit margin for Serco. Lemuel Trolliver dismantles the "casual racism" of the dinner table.
Trump Sues Himself for Making Himself Look Like a Bitter, Sweaty, Reality-TV Liar with Tiny Hands and a Toddler’s Brain
Trump alleges he has spent years deliberately making himself appear deranged by saying things out loud, repeatedly, in public, on camera, occasionally to large crowds of people with a collective braincell count sometmies in the high hundreds.
And Then We Added the Monkey Drum
This is a post about the recently released and no-doubt controversial 'song' TRAVIS by 'band' Wolfugue.
Trump Accidentally Sends “Dick Pic” to Entire United Nations, Delegates Mistook It for Marine Biology Slide
“the most powerful, most beloved, and most downloaded image in world history,” Reply All Dick-Pic causes unseeable pain.
The Britannia Card™: Nigel Farage Invents a Frequent-Flyer Scheme for the Aristocracy of Tax Evasion
Nigel Farage's latest policy proposal: the “Britannia Card.” A Tax Break for the ultra-rich. His bare-faced lies have nowhere to hide.